I’ll never punish my daughter for saying no.
The first time it comes out of her mouth, I’ll smile gleefully. As she repeats “No! No! No!” I’ll laugh, overjoyed. At a young age, she’ll have mastered a wonderful skill. A skill I’m still trying to learn. I know I’ll have to teach her that she has to eat her vegetables, and she has to take a nap. But “No” is not wrong. It is not disobedience.
1. She will know her feelings are valid.
2. She will know that when I no longer guide her, she still has a right to refuse.
The first time a boy pulls her hair after she says no, and the teacher tells her “boys will be boys,” we will go to her together, and explain that my daughter’s body is not a public amenity. That boy isn’t teasing her because he likes her, he is harassing her because it is allowed. I will not reinforce that opinion. If my son can understand that “no means no” so can everyone else’s.
3. She owes no one her silence, her time, or her cooperation.
The first time she tells a teacher, “No, that is wrong,” and proceeds to correct his public school, biased rhetoric, I’ll revel in the fact that she knows her history; that she knows our history. The first time she tells me “No” with the purpose and authority that each adult is entitled, I will stop. I will apologize. I will listen.
4. She is entitled to her feelings and her space. I, even a a parent, have no right to violate them.
5. No one has a right to violate them.
The first time my mother questions why I won’t make her kiss my great aunt at Christmas, I’ll explain that her space isn’t mine to control. That she gains nothing but self doubt when she is forced into unwanted affection. I’ll explain that “no” is a complete sentence. When the rest of my family questions why she is not made to wear a dress to our reunion dinner. I will explain that her expression is her own. It provides no growth to force her into unnecessary and unwanted situation.
6. She is entitled to her expression.
When my daughter leaves my home, and learns that the world is not as open, caring, and supportive as her mother, she will be prepared. She will know that she can return if she wishes, that the real world can wait. She will not want to. She will not need to. I will have prepared her, as much as I can, for a world that will try to push her down at every turn.
7. She is her own person. She is complete as she is.
I will never punish my daughter for saying no. I want “No” to be a familiar friend. I never want her to feel that she cannot say it. She will know how to call on “No” whenever it is needed, or wanted.
Hey, I was just wondering whether you knew/could summarise the argument for the hijab not being sexist?
So here’s my thing: I’m terrible about holding onto sources for moments like this (which I guess I should work on), and I don’t want to speak for Muslim women and/or Muslim feminists. So I did some minor googling/tumblr searching and found some sources written by Muslim women, but I wouldn’t say these are my favorites or, like, classics. Some of them are kind of repeating each other, but in my experience sometimes when a person’s trying to get their head around a concept, wording can make a huge difference, so I figure offering similar ideas put in different ways can still be useful.
- Hijab rejects the (white) male gaze.
- Hijab rejects imperialist cooption of feminism and Western feminism’s participation in it. (This link isn’t about hijab, but it’s about how Western feminism becomes a tool of colonialism and imperialism; due to this partnership of ideologies, decrying Muslim womens’ clothing choices as inherently oppressive is itself participating in patriarchy.)
- “Wearing a hijab isn’t inherently liberating – but neither is baring one’s breasts. What is liberating is being able to choose either of these things. It’s pretty ludicrous to think that oppression is somehow proportional to how covered or uncovered someone’s body is…. Whether it’s a ban on niqabs in France or miniskirts in Uganda, or warped legislation on reproductive rights in the United States, these efforts send a consistent signal: that our bodies are not our own.”
- "One of the many issues of being a Muhajaba is that, somehow, everyone feels entitled to tell you what to do: Be it bigoted lawmakers that try to regulate how people can dress, or supposed “feminists” that try to “liberate” us from our “oppressive” religion (never mind the fact that for most Muhajabas, wearing Hijab is a choice they made on their own), or miraculously enlightened male scholars that try to issue all sorts of Fatwahs pertaining to women, or the brothers that approach us and dictate how we should wear your Hijab, or the sisters that tell us that if we’re going to wear Hijab a certain way, we might as well not wear it at all, or the media that portrays us as some kind of oppressed little victims that need to be saved from the savagery of “Iz-lam” — everyone seems to have an opinion on it and few really know what it’s like…. We are fully capable and aware individuals who can make decisions for themselves and don’t need anyone to think on our behalf.”
- When wearing hijab is a free choice, it cannot be antifeminist.
- Emphasis mine: “But in a society where a woman’s value seems focused on her sexual charms, some wear it explicitly as a feminist statement asserting an alternative mode of female empowerment. Politics, not religion, is the motivator here. I am one of these women.”
- Hard to sum this one up or pick a quotation, but, another woman’s perspective on why she chooses to wear hijab.
These links put together all represent my basic understanding of the argument for hijab as feminist. I hope they help!
If you or anyone wants some more in-depth resources, you might want to check out A Quiet Revolution: The Veil’s Resurgence, from the Middle East to America by Leila Ahmed.
People defend capitalism by saying that capitalism is the only system that works. Ask someone who’s homeless how capitalism is working for them or those in sweatshops or those unable to get adequate healthcare or education. Capitalism is continuing the destruction of our earth, creating economic inequality, perpetuating classism, racism, ableism, child labor, and so much more. Capitalism doesn’t work, it kills.
Thinking social anxiety is cute is like saying:
Excessive sweating is cute.
Dry mouth is cute.
Physically shaking is cute.
Blacking out is cute.
Nausea is cute.
Heart palpitations are cute.
Chest pain is cute.
Shallow breathing is cute.
Hot flushes are cute.
Forgetting how to talk is cute.
Humiliating yourself is cute.
It’s not adorable little shy giggly girls with pretty skirts & flowers in their hair.
please reblog this